Abandoned Kitten
by SpellboundMist
Summary: How Misao comes to yet another rash decision, discovering the true meaning of love and fate.Companion to Lost and Found. [revised version!]


**..:Abandoned Kitten:..**

_**Kiss shitte dakishimette "Aishiteru"-tte itte  
**(kiss me hold me say you love me)  
**Motto gyutto tsuyoku daite mune ga kurushiku naru hodo ni  
**(Hold me tighter stronger till my heart aches)  
**Anata no senaka ni te o mawashi kao mune ni uzumete  
**(I put my arms around your shoulders and bury my face in your chest)  
**Kono koi wo kokoro ni yakitsuketai  
**(I want to engrave this love into my soul)  
Kiss Shitte Dakishimette – MISIA  
_

* * *

Misao made her way down the hall of the Aoiya, trying to ignore the others whispering and staring. Which was actually pretty hard since Omasu and Okon weren't even bothering to whisper, and Misao was still very much in earshot. Jiya was sipping tea in the dining room, his eyes following her as she passed.

She knew exactly what it was about.

That morning, Misao had woken up with a startling notion plaguing her mind. She had tried to shake it off, but the more she tried, the more she let it embed itself. Worst of all, she had no idea how her mind could have formulated such an idea. But she found it sadly true in every aspect she could look at it from.

She was wasting her life. She would be twenty in a few months and she had done nothing worthwhile with herself. Since Aoshi returned from the Shishio incident, Misao had spent those years voluntarily being practically enslaved to him.

Every morning she brought him tea, and sometimes even breakfast, and usually waited at the temple with him until lunchtime. She walked home with him, and then even served him his meal. She did his laundry, cleaned his room (not that this was much of a chore), and all but waited on him like an adoring servant. Unfortunately, Misao realized that perhaps she _was _an adoring servant.

Before that morning, she had always told herself it was love and she was doing it to help him heal. But four years was too long a time. Countless times, Jiya or the others had told her to move on, meet new people, and maybe look for a suitable husband. Misao decided that it was about time to take their advice.

Earlier that day, she had brought Aoshi his tea, as usual. Since waking up, she'd had plans already rushing about in her head. She would leave the next day, travel on her own a bit, and maybe meet some young men out there. She was still young enough to marry. She might even consider acquiring a kimono, or two. Jiya would certainly approve.

Aoshi had been meditating at the temple, of course. Misao had entered, set the tea tray down, and waited patiently. Aoshi had opened his eyes and the two of them had shared the tea in silence.

Misao frowned to herself at the memory of the argument that followed.

* * *

_**Keep yourself away**_  
**_Far away from me  
__I'll forever stay  
Your perfect enemy  
_**_Perfect enemy – t.A.T.u  
_

* * *

_**.Past.**  
_

"What are you thinking about?" Aoshi asked her in his usual stony voice.

"Nothing," Misao lied, colder than she'd thought she could sound.

"Liar," Aoshi's voice was almost teasing now. Misao had had enough.

"What does it matter to you?" she exploded, "You wouldn't give a damn if I disappeared tomorrow. I'm just some stupid little girl in your eyes. Omasu or Okon can bring you your damn tea, do your laundry, clean your room, and heat your damn bath for you."

"Misao, what---"

"Shut up! They're always saying I'm a chatterbox so let me talk. Not that it matters what I say, since you don't listen anyways. If I went mute or something right now you probably wouldn't notice." Misao glared at Aoshi, whose face hadn't even changed. It only fed her fury.

"I've looked after you and served you for almost four damn years since you returned. I've realized that I _don't _love you. I was only holding onto a dream I used to have before you left us." She spat out the last few words.

"Please Misao, calm down," Aoshi's expression tightened, making Misao feel a vague satisfaction. She plowed on anyways. Those ideas in her mind just drove her forward.

"Calm down? _Some _people may be a huge damn block of ice with no feelings for himself or anybody else, but I'm not like that. I'm going to stop hovering around you and go enjoy my life. You always say I should go anyways, because you're _tainted_ or some shit like that. Fine, I'll go. I'm leaving Kyoto tomorrow morning."

She paused to breathe at this point, realizing she was overwhelmed to the point of tears.

Aoshi's face was actually showing a hint of anger. "Misao, to be honest with you-----"

"Honest my ass. You've never been honest with me. You promised you'd be with me forever, and then you leave with Hannya-kun and the others in the middle of the night. You didn't even say goodbye."

"I didn't want to see you cry, as I knew you would," Aoshi's voice was strong, temporarily cutting through Misao's rage.

"Then why did you go in the first place?" the girl recovered quickly, "To be strong? To prove to the whole damn world that you were invincible? And what did you achieve? Our friends were killed and now you're back here, a broken and useless man. Your soul is as weak as a kitten's. And abandoned kitten."

"Don't you dare-----" Aoshi seethed.

"I _do_ dare." Misao spat back, "I won't be a docile lapdog any longer. You can't stay an emotionless _lump _forever. I wish I could break you and hurt you like you've done to me so many times. But I have no time for you. I'm going on a long journey tomorrow and I have preparations to make. I also intend to say _proper_ goodbyes to the people I love."

Misao got up and strode towards the door, feeling quite satisfied with how her words had come out. She didn't even bother to gather the tea set. Let Aoshi bring it back himself for once.

"No!" Aoshi's arms were suddenly around her, "You _can't _leave Misao I----"

Once, she would have melted on the spot for Aoshi's embrace, but now her mind was working differently.

"You what?" Misao broke free of Aoshi's grip, spinning angrily to face him.

"I need you," he whispered brokenly, "Please Misao…"

"You need me for what?" Misao demanded incredulously, beyond the point of reason. "Bringing you your damn tea?"

"Listen to me Misao, I swear I'm telling the truth," Aoshi's gaze bore into Misao's. "Your company cheers me up. Your words give me things to think about. You were right, I have been broken inside. You inspired me to persevere. It was the memory of you that brought me home at all."

"Liar," Misao snapped. Aoshi continued.

"I will admit, I've taken your constant presence for granted. I care about you, believe it or not, but I've never known how to express things like that. I assumed---wrongly---that you would be willing to wait until I had found the right way to show you, to tell you:"

"You're lying! Lying!" Misao screamed. "You're just saying that to keep me here. Well that's not going to work. I'll make sure Omasu or Okon brings you your tea and calls you for meals every day. Since I'll be gone, one of them can clean your room for you instead of cleaning mine. Your clothes can be washed at the same time as everybody else's and maybe you can learn to heat your own bath while you're at it."

"That's not it, Misao," Aoshi silenced her, "I can do all those things myself from now on, but I want you _here_. Please. This is your home too. Wait for me, I'll give you penance for everything you've done for me."

Misao felt her anger fall away from her, and a hard core of resolution remained. When she spoke, her voice was icily calm.

"I'm sorry _Aoshi_, I really am," she knew he noticed the absence of the usual suffix. "But I've had enough of waiting for you. I am leaving tomorrow morning and you will not stop me."

"Where will you go?" for once, Aoshi's voice held more emotion than her own.

"Anywhere," Misao replied, her voice unchanging, "I'll see if I can meet some new people out there. Jiya's nagging me about marriage all the time, and I think it's about time I listened to him. I'm still young; I'll go find a place to settle down or something."

"Marriage?" Aoshi's voice became hollow.

"Yes. I want a life of my own. In a few more years, children might be nice," Misao almost smiled to herself despite the situation.

"Leave then, if you must," Aoshi turned away resignedly. "I have no right to stop you. You can go meet another man and forget about me."

"Goodbye, Shinomori Aoshi." Came her reply. Misao couldn't quite walk away. For a long while, she stood on the other side of the closed door, facing away from the man she had decided to abandon.

* * *

**_I'm giving up on everything  
Because you messed me up  
Don't know how much you  
Screwed it up  
You never listened  
That's just too bad  
Because I'm moving on  
I won't forget you were the one  
that was wrong_**

_Forgotten – Avril Lavigne_

* * *

**.Present.**_  
_

"Misao-chan," Jiya's voice brought Misao back to herself. The old man joined her on the back porch. "Are you really leaving tomorrow?"

"Yes, Jiya," she replied tiredly. "I'm sorry. But I promise I'll keep in touch. And if I do end up getting married, I'll come and visit with my family or something."

"That sounds nice, Misao-chan." Jiya told her with a weary smile. "Night is coming, and you should sleep early if you mean to leave at first light."

"Hai."

"I wish you a safe journey, my dear," Kissing her on the cheek, the old man sighed and went back into the house.

* * *

**_This is the last time I'll abandon you  
and this is  
__the last time I'll forget you  
I wish I could  
_**_Stockholm Syndrome - MUSE_

* * *

**.Two Years Later.**

"Tadaima!" Misao called as she stepped into the building that she had taken as a second home.

"Okaeri!" a little girl of eight rushed out to hug her. Laughing, Misao managed to extract herself and get her shoes off.

"Misao!" A girl her own age came out to bring them all inside.

"Izumi-chan," Misao returned with a smile. She set the package she had been holding onto the kitchen table. "Here, guess what I came across when I was in the market today?"

"Can I open it? Please, onae-chan…" the eight year old reached for the package.

"Misuzu-chan, that's not yours. Let Izumi open it herself," an older woman swept into the room.

"Hai, oka-san." Misuzu chirped obediently.

Izumi took the package and unwrapped it, Misao looking over her shoulder excitedly. When the brown paper fell away, a load of brightly wrapped sweets spilled onto the table.

"Wahh!" Izumi put it all down and gave Misao a big hug. "I love you!"

"European sweets, directly shipped from Germany," Misao announced grandly. "Consider it an early birthday present, Izumi."

"Thank you sooo much!" Izumi beamed at Misao. She went through the glittery pile on the table and sighed happily. "I'm so lucky you stumbled upon our house here, Misao. Wait until I tell Ryuichi-kun! He's never given me a present like this. And we're getting married soon too." Izumi paused to frown about that before continuing to gush about her candies.

"Misao-chan," Misuzu's mother said when Izumi calmed herself. "There was a man looking for you at the inn today."

"Huh?"

"Sayuri told them she didn't know if she's ever seen you here before," Izumi put in as she moved her gaze from her candy to her older sister, "Right?"

"What did he look like?" Misao asked, her throat feeling suddenly constricted. _He can't have followed me all the way here._

"He was tall; his head almost touched the top of the doorframe," Sayuri told Misao, "He was wearing a Western coat and I'm pretty sure he had a sword as well."

"Fool," Izumi muttered, "Carrying a sword in these times. But I caught a glimpse of his face from where I was. No matter how stern and emotionless, he was really good-looking."

"You keep your mind on Ryuichi," Sayuri snapped, rapping her sister's forehead smartly with her knuckles. She ignored Izumi's complaints and continued to Misao, "He was desperate to find you, girl. Who is he?"

"I…" Misao faltered. In all the two years since she had left home, ----had it really been two years? ----she had told nobody about her past. She had been living with Sayuri and her family for just over six months now; helping out at their inn reminded her of the Aoiya so much that she couldn't leave.

"We need to know," Izumi said around a piece of chocolate, "What should we do if he comes back? I'm sure he's still in the city and you can't possibly be intending to just run off."

"Izumi's right,' Sayuri said as she poured a glass of water for her daughter. "We'll help you if you need it, but we need to know who this man is and what he means to you."

"I used to live with him," Misao began quietly. "We…grew up together in Kyoto. He helped take care of me after my parents died, and I used to think that I loved him."

"Used to?" Izumi examined a candy wrapped in bright red foil.

"I realized that I was surely wasting my time on him. You noticed yourself how emotionless he is. I treated him well, even after he turned to darkness and for a time and turned away from me. One day, I sort of woke up and decided I was going to leave."

"Do you regret the decision?" Sayuri asked gently.

"No," Misao sighed. "I have thought back many times and seen that it _was_ rash of me, and definitely must have made everybody worry. But still, no regrets. So what if I cared for him? He saw nothing in me."

"Did you two have a fight?" Izumi popped the candy into her mouth and ignored a glare from her sister.

"Yes," Misao replied, her tone weary, "After I decided to leave, I thought I had a duty to at least tell him I was going. So I did, and we argued. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to tell him; he never told me when he ran off before."

Izumi and Sayuri pressed her for details, but in the end they were satisfied. Misao went to sleep that night filled with anxiety. Her dreams were, surprisingly, happy ones of her childhood. A childhood she wanted so much to forget now, but could not because she had laughed with Aoshi.

xxxx

Misao folded the last towel in the pile and stood up, stretching. Today was her turn to do the laundry. Her entire morning had been spent washing blankets and pillowcases, and she had been washing towels and clothing since lunch. Back at the Aoiya, she had only washed vegetables, dishes, and Aoshi's clothing.

"Misao-chan?" a stocky man stepped out of the house behind her.

"Ah, Kouta-san," Misao smiled as she recognized Sayuri's husband of nine years. "I'm just finishing up here. Is there something else that needs doing?"

"No, actually Izumi told me to warn you that an old acquaintance of yours is talking to Sayuri right now," the man replied in his usual patient voice. "You are to hold yourself ready and make your choices as soon as possible."

Misao didn't reply, thinking quickly.

"Strange though, Izumi insisted I tell you in her exact words." Kouta ran a hand through his hair with a puzzled expression. "She also asked for your reply."

"Tell her that I have made my choice already," Misao told him, her voice firm. "I'm afraid you'll have to use my exact words as well." Kouta nodded agreeably. "I will not run away but I'm not going to see him. It shouldn't be hard to find a person in this house."

"Right then," Kouta recited Misao's words back to her before returning to the house. Misao checked over the laundry basket and put everything away before going inside as well.

Misao sat outside on the back porch of the inn. She gazed unseeing at the colors of the small garden that Sayuri tended so lovingly. The beauty didn't register in her eyes.

She felt him approach long before she could see him.

Aoshi arranged his legs carefully, settling down cross-legged beside Misao. The girl visibly cringed away from him, keeping her gaze on the ground.

Misao felt his gaze on her. He was seated less than a few feet away but the distance between them seemed infinite. Misao felt torn. Somehow, she still felt violated; he was too close for comfort. She shivered involuntarily and pulled her knees to her chest. Part of her really wanted to be close to him again, and apologize for everything.

She could have run away again, but she knew this was her chance to make things right. She would try, damn it, and try as hard as Aoshi allowed her to.

Before she could think of anything to say, a low chuckle from Aoshi made Misao turn and stare at him. His gaze was unexpectedly gentle, and a wave of nostalgia and guilt rushed over Misao. How many times in her childhood had that gaze made her smile? Had she really been rash enough to just leave him behind?

"You look like an abandoned kitten now," Aoshi voiced almost teasingly, reaching a hand toward Misao. She was startled once more, both by his apparent willingness to talk and by the comment itself. This time, she kept her features smooth.

His hand was warm on her cheek but her stomach suddenly flipped. Misao gently pushed his hand away and stood up quickly.

When she turned to look down at him, she felt no anger or remorse, just a patient acceptance. It felt rather strange, especially considering the circumstances. She realized that she was, once again, going to have to wait for him.

"Abandoned kitten?" Misao smiled pleasantly, "And who was it that abandoned me?" she turned and walked towards the door.

She was waiting now. She knew what had to happen. She had tossed the coin, but Aoshi was the only one who had the power to choose which way it fell. Misao was certain she had made the right choice this time, and she could accept the outcome either way.

"I did," his familiar voice came, right behind her. "I left you, took away your friends---our friends----and I turned my back on you."

Misao didn't stop walking. She stopped in front of the door and reached her hand out to open it.

"Don't turn away from me now, Misao," Aoshi's large hand gently pushed her smaller one away from the door. She stood silently.

"I made many mistakes. One of which was hesitating to tell you that I _do_ care for you. You are not a girl in my eyes; you are a beautiful young woman. I don't want to be your guardian any longer, and I will not be your burden. Will you---will you accept love from this broken, tainted man?" He finished in a pleading whisper.

Misao turned suddenly to face him, her hand slipping from his grasp. Her heart lifted and she let a glowing smile light up her face.

"I accept," Misao told him, her ocean-blue eyes shining, "But not from a tainted or a broken man." Aoshi opened his mouth but she put a finger to his lips and silenced him. "I will accept this love from a man whom I used to think perfect, a man with true strength."

"Are you…really saying yes?" Aoshi was still getting over her response.

"Of course," she assured him, grinning at his hesitation. "I mean, I could still pretend you're perfect if you like."

"That's alright, I know I'm not," Aoshi felt a burden lifted from him, "I'm glad I found you. After you left…I really went mad. I couldn't control my emotions; every time I tried I would think of you. I stayed in my room all the time and didn't talk to anybody." He paused, and Misao met his gaze patiently. "I couldn't leave things as they were. I had to find you. Now I know----now how you must have felt, searching for me all those years ago. Even when I found you here, I was terrified you might disappear again."

"You don't have to tell me everything now," Misao stopped him, "We have all the time in the world now. But I do have to apologize for those things I said to you in Kyoto before I left."

"That's nothing compared to what I've done---"

"Be quiet. I don't have the heart to listen to all of it right this minute," Misao said firmly, "I have things to tell you too, but those can wait as well. You've been traveling, and you certainly look tired. Sayuri can find you a room for tonight, or you can share mine if you don't mind. I was just washing a huge pile of linens so I'm sure we can ready a futon for you. There's good food here, and---"

Misao's flowing words were cut off abruptly when Aoshi's lips covered hers. Time stopped and Misao forgot everything except the feel of Aoshi's arms around her. She didn't know how long the kiss lasted but when Aoshi pulled away finally, she felt as if she would burst with happiness.

"I don't want food, blankets, or rest right now," he whispered huskily, putting his forehead against Misao's. She had grown taller, so their height difference wasn't a problem. "I want _you_ Misao, all to myself, right here, right now."

Misao stared speechlessly for a second before throwing herself into his arms. She had been wrong before. Her love was there for him. Love certainly changed over time, but she had never stopped loving him. She had just been frustrated with the lack of response from him, so her mind gave her confused ideas and she ran away.

Thinking back, the two years she had spent wandering about the country had been lonely. More than a few young men had kissed her, and some, she had even enjoyed being with. But a strange compulsion made her move on, leaving each of them behind.

She had been waiting for Aoshi to come to her. No matter what happened, fate would always pull them together. Misao knew now that it had only been a matter of time.

"I love you," she whispered, her heart finally freed from worry and doubt. She heard Aoshi repeating her words in answer, but words didn't really matter anymore. Misao had seen her fate with her own eyes and accepted. The only thing she needed to think about now was the warmth of Aoshi's body against hers, and the glowing sunset that would seal them together for an eternity.

* * *

**_You are my only one  
I let go, but there's no one  
That gets me like you do  
You are my only, my only one  
_**_Only One - Yellowcard_

* * *

**Notes:** Okay. Here is the revised version of this story (the original was very much the same, minus the snippets of songs, and all I changed was some of the dialogue). I hope you enjoyed it, and please, if you haven't already, read the companion fic Lost and Found. Drop a review too, plz!

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, plot, etc. of Rurouni Kenshin. I also don't own any of those songs that I used here, those all belong to the respective artists and whoever else owns it. tralala don't sue me. **


End file.
